The Persistence of Time

Do you ever walk around and out of nowhere, nowhere at all... a wave of regret overwhelms you and you whisper to yourself "Damn... could've, would've, should've."

I don't know why but that makes me feel so helpless. I guess it's because I can't grasp that notion, I don't believe in it. It's so unreal like a hazy dream, intangible and fabricated.

Me? I can only miss the idea of a person, I take all the things that I want to remember and store it in a box. I hand-pick the colorful memories and hold it close. Wasted years and that one big blow makes me wonder how I could be that naive.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I wish I could be all that for you. The stuff you miss or the one that got away. I don't know what I want from you... I'm confused. But I do know that I hope you are the person I hope you are.

Don't call me baby, I don't want to be second to that name. Are you lying to me or just lying to yourself baby?

I think about you all the time, but I don't need the same. - Name

My Zappos Ad, I finally found it in Lucky Magazine. Thanks Jiaying!

Skin Care Recommendation: Oil of Olay Complete is the only moisterizer I use. It is afforadable, has SPF 15, smells great and gets the job done. All my make-up artists stress how important it is to moisterize before you apply makeup so I dab some on 5 minutes before my foundation/concealer. I really don't think it's important to go out and buy expensive moisterizers, especially the ones with collagen because research has proven collagen can't really be absorbed through the skin in quantities that would be beneficial.

H.F.C.S.

My love affair with you began even before I knew of your existence. All I knew was that you made everything mind-numbingly amazing. Soon you had a hold on me and when I was finally told how bad you really were, I was hooked. I was like a junkie... people should have held an intervention for me except they were too far gone as well.

So like any rational junkie I quit cold turkey. Sure, it worked for 3 months but I eventually relapsed.

Like a jealous ex-lover, I seethed everytime I saw you with someone else... "if I can't have you, nobody can!" I thought. So could anyone blame poor me when my addiction to you came bearing down with the force of a million sperm whales?

Getting over you ain't easy, that's for sure. But I'm slowly putting you behind. Baby steps love, baby steps. But High Fructose Corn Syrup, I hope you know I still think about you when I'm eating a bland chicken wing at an otherwise perfect barbeque.

Yes, I'll come clean. You haunt me even today. You take the simple pleasures out of life. Everything from the obvious (chocolate syrup) to the not so obvious (ketchup and low-fat italian dressing -- my favorite...).

I know now that I'm better off without you. Yeah, I just have to keep telling myself that.

Make-up Recommendation: Chanel's Nude Blush is a must-have color and so easy to apply. Because of its natural sun-kissed colors (not at all like bronze which I despise), it's so easy to apply all over your face as you see fit (I would recommend cheeks and the tip of the nose) and it gives you beautiful summer glow.

My Babies - Casey & Toby

Death and so on

I'm a sucker for scary movies. After watching "The Happening" and "The Eye", I am thoroughly convinced my apartment is haunted. There is a dark portion of the corrirdor that is inexpelicably omnious. Of course I am told that the movies mentioned above were not even scary-- tell that to the could-be ghost looming near the door knob. One more thing, the shower faucet won't turn off. Coincidence? Perhaps. But I'm almost sure it's Robert the could-be ghost.

I am trying to come to terms with mortality. Being blessed with a death-free life can not possibly be permanent. The older I get, the more likely I am going to have to face a little someone named reaper. And despite the fact that meatball my beloved hamster has passed when I was seven does not at all mean I am prepared to handle it.

Yes "it". The it that nails you one surprising summer afternoon. And now the thoughts that keep me up at night... those insomniatic nights that I thought I already learned to bypass last freakin year... are thoughts of life after death.

I'm freaking out about the inevitable. The "What Ifs" are clamping down on my sleepless nights. What if there is judgment... who judges? What's good enough? Is there a heaven and who's going? What about that piece of candy I stole in 6th grade? Is there reincarnation? Am I coming back a slug? Or worse, what if there's nothingness. And what if I'm never going to be reunited with Meatball. And if I'm never going to be reunited with Meatball, did he have a happy life? Did I give him a happy life?

What's the lesson? I don't know. Be happy in the moment? Yes, duh. But there's more, there's so much more, and I don't know what it is. And I have a feeling I'm going to be up a little bit longer tonight.

I can't believe something as unseeming as "The Happening" or "The Eye" can be so unerving. Damn you Hollywood and your supposedly innocent interpreation of reality.

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Product Recommendation: I am loving Laura Mercier's duo concealer right now! Since it's the summer and we don't have to suffer through dry skin anymore, concealer is all you need. No more foundation masks, just get buy a concealer brush (I use Armani's concealer brush-- you can buy it at Saks Fifth Avenue) and blend the duo concealer colors as you see fit. Usually under the eye, corners of the mouth and the around the nose does it for me and you can let the rest of your natural color shine through for the rest of the summer and save on expensive foundations.