Friday, January 22, 2010


So Daul died, I know it's old news. I guess that's what law school does to you, it makes everything obsolete.

I saw Daul from time to time. We ran in different circles; she was a Next girl, I was a Wilhelmina girl. They did fashion, we did commercial. But ever so often, when our castings collide, we exchange the cursory glances at our all Asian casting. There are so few of us, I think maybe thirty in NYC. And I think at one point or another, we've all shared a polite elevator ride up in 4 Times Square.

She was ephemeral. She was beautiful. She was quirky. She was everything I wish I could be-- two inches taller and twenty pounds thinner.

She loved house and trance, that's probably the only thing we shared. That and the loneliness on set. Everyday new people, sometimes not nice, and all the waiting. The damn waiting.

I know how dark the industry can be, it's a black hole that gets you to do stupid relentlessness things. Those nagging feelings, those nagging friends. Those people who poke and pull at your face where you're simultaneously the most important and least important person in the room. The empty hotel rooms. The endless flights. Life feels like it's on pause.

So you go home with your high heels that hurt too much after a ten hour day in command. All you have left is that voice on the other end of the line who tell you they love you and you know they do, but they are too far for comfort and you are too far from home.

Daul, this one is for you. Here's to better days and better ways.

Lonely Girl (Gareth Emery Remix) ASOT 402

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Back Where You Belong

I am going back to hell if hell was sub-zero degrees. Good bye pretty lights, gritty streets and love of my life. Goodbye hazy beaches, lazy mornings and our 6:30pm rendez-vous.

This three week break was bliss. From UFC to West Palm Beach to those golden arches that will carry us into 2010 and beyond.

X and I donated our final pint of blood to New York Blood Center last week to complete our gallon club membership. We are working our way into the five gallon club... maybe in another five years.

It is funny, it all started out as a way to skip a few classes in high school but as I get older I start to think more about the sick people. Maybe it is because we are getting to that age where we start to think about our own future. Or maybe New York Blood Center does a hell of a job with their ad campaign. Whatever the reason, it has really got me thinking about the madness and the destruction (both natural and man-made) in the world... underwear bomb on an early Christmas flight anyone?

Someone somewhere said that worrying prematurely is worrying needlessly-- I am sure I blundered through that quote. But I get it now. I remember when we were young, the grown-ups always worried about us and we never understood. We cut classes, we smoked cigarettes, we kissed boys and we stayed out late because it was all fun and games.

And we never thought that bad things would happen (at least not to us)... but if 2009 has taught me anything, it is probably that we need to do the best we can for the world. There are too many horrible things that are just out of our control that it just seems only right to try to do the things that are within our control.

Andy Duguid - Wasted