Monday, July 16, 2007

The X

It's unfair isn't it? The best things in life are determined long before you ever realize its implications. The lottery, it'll get you.

I'm coasting. Looking back, it's a thrill.
This year? In a nutshell-- from homeless, jobless, dogless to everything-ness.

Funny, everytime I think I finally have a grasp on something... just a tiny sliver of certainty, the rug gets pulled out from under me. Reality check, I don't know squat. Every year I think "this it it! this is me!" to only unearth something surreal that I wonder if anything will ever be still.
Yeah, it does that to you. Life I mean. It'll knock you down to the very last peg when you feel oh-so high and make it up to you in more ways than you can imagine. It'll make you work for it, whatever that 'it' may be. I still don't know.

This year I'm all about the real smiles. It's strange, you walk around your whole life feeling uncontrollably sad and you carry it around with you since god-knows-when and then suddenly everything is better you almost don't know what to do with yourself. So you nod and mutter to no one in particular "ah, this is happy..." and it's not what you expect but it's borderline bizarre. And it's that lottery-winner feeling but it's always felt that way and every night you wonder "what's the catch?". What is the catch?

Is it skill or is it chance? Because from this side of the fence it seems to me all luck and some of us have all the charm. Blind-sided by the x, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that the x will never catch up to me.

In the end, it's a ride. A damn good one, with the best music you can get your ears around and the fastest shiny car you can ever want (still, a person always beckons for more... more)... I think the only thing it asks of you is to obey the speed limit... if anything, just to take in the cool air.
And I didn't think it was possible but every time I turn around, I like you even more.
Tiesto (Salt Tank) - Eugina