Friday, January 4, 2008
I'm sorry you know
Is it to late to say I'm sorry? Sorry that I can't be the girl you want me to be.
Love is never enough is it? -- Even though we didn't know it at the time.
I hope you're happy, I hope you found someone else to make you smile because you deserve it. I just wish you didn't waste all that time with me hoping that I could change. You fell in love with a phantom and I regret being that chameleon. I guess it's safe to say I led you on. I do that. So badly that I don't even know I'm doing it.
And I admit it now, I abused you, used you and left you clutching nothing but air because I was never there.
I'm writing to tell you the truth because it's all I can do. I think I knew it wouldn't work a long time ago and I kept hanging on waiting for something to happen... but I stopped loving you as soon I began.
It all sounds so wrong but can I at least tell you that I care about you? I always did and I always will. I just didn't know the difference between caring about you and loving you.
So now I'm asking you with care, if you could just forgive me for all my sins. I was young. I know this isn't much of an apology, but I want so bad for you to be happy because what we had was never happy. Not even once... not really. You probably know that.
I don't know what else I can say. I hope one day to see your smile ear to ear at a random street corner with someone who really loves you and makes your insides smile like mine do now.
To the men in my past.