I am trying to come to terms with mortality. Being blessed with a death-free life can not possibly be permanent. The older I get, the more likely I am going to have to face a little someone named reaper. And despite the fact that meatball my beloved hamster has passed when I was seven does not at all mean I am prepared to handle it.
Yes "it". The it that nails you one surprising summer afternoon. And now the thoughts that keep me up at night... those insomniatic nights that I thought I already learned to bypass last freakin year... are thoughts of life after death.
I'm freaking out about the inevitable. The "What Ifs" are clamping down on my sleepless nights. What if there is judgment... who judges? What's good enough? Is there a heaven and who's going? What about that piece of candy I stole in 6th grade? Is there reincarnation? Am I coming back a slug? Or worse, what if there's nothingness. And what if I'm never going to be reunited with Meatball. And if I'm never going to be reunited with Meatball, did he have a happy life? Did I give him a happy life?
What's the lesson? I don't know. Be happy in the moment? Yes, duh. But there's more, there's so much more, and I don't know what it is. And I have a feeling I'm going to be up a little bit longer tonight.
I can't believe something as unseeming as "The Happening" or "The Eye" can be so unerving. Damn you Hollywood and your supposedly innocent interpreation of reality.
---
Product Recommendation: I am loving Laura Mercier's duo concealer right now! Since it's the summer and we don't have to suffer through dry skin anymore, concealer is all you need. No more foundation masks, just get buy a concealer brush (I use Armani's concealer brush-- you can buy it at Saks Fifth Avenue) and blend the duo concealer colors as you see fit. Usually under the eye, corners of the mouth and the around the nose does it for me and you can let the rest of your natural color shine through for the rest of the summer and save on expensive foundations.
