It's strange how different everything is when I don't feel any different at all. Looking back I wonder if everyone is equally as mind-blowing idiotic as me (Yeah.. I went there. I read my 3rd grade Diary... I was and still am soooo lame)? Everything changed for the better and I don't know what I did to deserve it but it's right here neatly wrapped in expensive Papyrus brand paper and I wonder how I ever got to be so lucky.
And for the first time life isn't raveled around one singular wonderment that consumes you like work, parents, friends, school or a boyfriend but rather, everything is a delight in a twisted kind of way. So I guess I realized... I mean really realized is that life is what we make it.
Best of all, when I smile, I smile from the heart and it's so bizarre because I've carried around an emptiness for so long and all of a sudden I feel whole and it's nothing and everything I ever wanted.
And yes, there will always be the stresses of life but it pales in comparison to the rainbow coalition of bliss that comes from you.
Love isn't what I imagined it to be at all. It isn't about the magic even though the magic is very real. It's the ability for it to light up all the other aspects of your life. It's the capability to walk around feeling full... complacent, I don't know.
And I guess it's not about how you feel about the person but rather, the way they make you feel about everything else and I understand that now.
2 comments:
Hey babe,
yes, this is the only blog I have. Sad, but, i always write and delete and write and delete. It's like I have so many things to say but I don't want to give too much. You seem to be walking that fine line well!
I liked this post. Glad to hear you don't walk around feeling empty. I think everyone walks around feeling a little empty inside. Esp in a big city like new york, it's a mix of emptiness and joy.
Keep in touch -- maybe i will update my blog. hm, let me try to fix this profile thing...
<3 Selina
Hi Selina,
Thanks for reading my post and commenting even though it was written over 10 years ago! I didn’t even know there was a comments section in this until tonight! So I’m writing my very belated responses.
I also feel scared to give away so much of me but my desperation to be truly & completely seen and heard by another human being. I find that when I don’t try to edit myself, I don’t end up deleting anything I write. It just comes out without a filter. It’s freeing. It does take practice though.
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